he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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