There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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