I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
