Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Randomize
