You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
