I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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