names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
