So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
