Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
