Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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