Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
