he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize