I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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