4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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