I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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