If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
