You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
