I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
