dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
