My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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