fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
