He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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