Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
