i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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