I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
