i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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