I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
