Texts From Last Night

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  (253): View more from Washington

  i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.

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  (253): i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed. http://tfl.nu/26az
  Replies (35) Good night (3804) Bad night (904)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!

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  (417): true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever! http://tfl.nu/5efq
  Replies (14) Good night (903) Bad night (2706)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college

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  (303): I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college http://tfl.nu/ihdi
  Replies (35) Good night (5023) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?

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  (253): DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge? http://tfl.nu/bwm6
  Replies (41) Good night (6671) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.

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  (512): He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice. http://tfl.nu/cehn
  Replies (7) Good night (865) Bad night (3112)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.

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  (917): No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out. http://tfl.nu/gccc
  Replies (3) Good night (1549) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.

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  (570): Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid. http://tfl.nu/hx89
  Replies (15) Good night (629) Bad night (3336)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.

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  (417): Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently. http://tfl.nu/jfkc
  Replies (11) Good night (2237) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym

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  (781): Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym http://tfl.nu/lv47
  Replies (2) Good night (969) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep

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  (774): I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep http://tfl.nu/07gg
  Replies (6) Good night (1918) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Seriously. Castrate.

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  (303): If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you (303): Seriously. Castrate. http://tfl.nu/qjql
  Replies (4) Good night (550) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him

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  (484): you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him http://tfl.nu/re5m
  Replies (1) Good night (812) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  i think we need a new approach.

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  (616): how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay? (1-616): i think we need a new approach. http://tfl.nu/uyer
  Replies (7) Good night (644) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.

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  (780): Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies. http://tfl.nu/mgn4
  Replies (1) Good night (410) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....

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  (515): Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity.... http://tfl.nu/stin
  Replies (4) Good night (587) Bad night (409)

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