Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins