Texts From Last Night

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  (727): View more from Florida

  I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.

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  (727): I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights. http://tfl.nu/lg7e
  Replies (26) Good night (1069) Bad night (10360)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

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  (254): it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless. http://tfl.nu/hrpm
  Replies (15) Good night (2977) Bad night (1576)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.

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  (201): Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man. http://tfl.nu/hm6h
  Replies (4) Good night (3405) Bad night (963)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

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  (610): I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/xbiu
  Replies (14) Good night (5915) Bad night (1190)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

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  (239): i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass http://tfl.nu/a9ff
  Replies (12) Good night (3965) Bad night (1082)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka

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  (913): I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka http://tfl.nu/3gfs
  Replies (5) Good night (2173) Bad night (866)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack

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  (571): It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack http://tfl.nu/ebu7
  Replies (3) Good night (740) Bad night (1987)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat

  (830): View more from Texas

  You are so not ready for motherhood

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  (210): Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat (830): You are so not ready for motherhood http://tfl.nu/j27j
  Replies (3) Good night (1017) Bad night (1825)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.

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  (504): My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway. http://tfl.nu/crxf
  Replies (15) Good night (675) Bad night (3145)
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  (858): View more from California

  He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him

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  (858): He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him http://tfl.nu/yvui
  Replies (12) Good night (2368) Bad night (737)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.

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  (780): I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/b7sx
  Replies (6) Good night (1460) Bad night (540)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.

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  (865): God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter. http://tfl.nu/mtk4
  Replies (1) Good night (1198) Bad night (531)
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  (949): View more from California

  Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite

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  (949): Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite http://tfl.nu/rl1y
  Replies (7) Good night (722) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.

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  (304): I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/rvlh
  Replies (4) Good night (687) Bad night (304)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking

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  (801): The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking http://tfl.nu/vhrx
  Replies (1) Good night (221) Bad night (448)

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