I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you