It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
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The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
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I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"