dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
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Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.