someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me