what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
