dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
