Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
