dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
