the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
