I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
