I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
