Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
