Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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