I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
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More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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