Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
