I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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