I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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