It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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