you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
