I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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