The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
