dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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