I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
