margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
