READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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