She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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