Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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