god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
