I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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