At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
