How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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