Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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