He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
