I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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