I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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